Monday, March 24, 2014

The cat saves everyone.

I was browsing Twitter this morning and saw this tweet:


Apparently a freaking huge spider hitched a ride home with a traveler.  And the spider had an egg sac with it. Full of baby spiders.  (Trigger Warning: don't follow the article link if you don't want to see a photo of a freaking huge spider.)

Fortunately, they caught the spider before the eggs hatched, and it will be returned to its natural habitat.  But a few things went through my mind while reading the tweet:

  1. Shit!  "Arachnophobia" is REAL!!!
  2. Damn, that was a good movie.
  3. Where's Jeff Daniels when you need him?
  4. I wonder if the cat will save everyone...

That last one might need some explanation.

When I was about 8 years old, "Arachnophobia" was on TV.  My mom and I were watching it, and it got to be my bedtime right about halfway through, so I asked my mom how it ended.

Her reply: "The cat saves everyone."

There is a cat in the movie, so I figured it battled to the death with the giant queen spider.  Kind of a weird ending, but hey, I was a cat-loving 8-year-old.  Why shouldn't Mittens* be the hero?  I accepted this as truth for about ten years.

Until one weekend while I was in high school, "Arachnophobia" was on TV again.  "Sweet!" I thought.  "I can finally see how this ends!"

So I watched.  And there was the cat.  And there was Jeff Daniels, with the queen spider, fighting in the basement of the farm house.

Oh no!  Jeff Daniels is trapped under some shelves (or something)!  Look, they cut the camera to the cat!  This must be the moment when he pounces and sacrifices himself to give Jeff Daniels time to get free so they can finally finish the spider off!

Wait... why is the cat just sitting there?

Come on, Mittens, you asshole!

What... the cat did nothing!?  Jeff Daniels fought off the queen spider alone!?

...

...

My mom LIED to me?

I confronted my mom when she got home.  "Hey mom, 'Arachnophobia' was on TV today."
"Yeah?  That's a good movie."
"Yeah, it is.  You probably don't remember, but it was on TV a few years ago and I had to go to bed before it was over, so I asked you how it ended."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah.  You told me the cat saved everyone."
She started laughing.  "No it doesn't!"
"Well, I know that NOW!  But they kept showing clips of the cat during the climax, and there I was, just waiting for it to do something!  And it never did."
"So you believed that, for all those years?  That.  Is.  Hilarious."
"Thanks, mom."

That was ten years ago and now, whenever "Arachnophobia" is on TV, she calls me to say the cat is saving everyone.  It has become a running joke between us - if either of us asks how something ends, we reply with "The cat saves everyone."





* I have no idea what the cat's name is.

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